The Lip Gloss War
by TheSecretCity
Summary: Direct sequel to 'With Sprinkles'. What is it that JJ doesn't want anyone to know about her and lip gloss? Makes sense with or without reading 'With Sprinkles'. I hope. Now complete.
1. Watermelon Ice

Author's Note: This is a sequel-ish thing to 'With Sprinkles'. Basically, JJ has a secret involving lip gloss. It may wind up being more then one chapter.

Watermelon Ice

JJ seriously considered whooping Garcia upside the head after she threatened her with revealing her lip gloss. It was her private, secret, personal secret that she kept from the rest of the team. For a reason. A career girl could wear lip tint, lipstick, lip stain, but lip _gloss_ was something done in high school. Junior high school.

Jennifer Jareau had a lip gloss problem.

Once, Garcia had suggested a kind of 'Gloss Abusers Anonymous' program for her, but hadn't found one. Emily had said she'd never seen anyone buy so much, especially at once, when they'd gone on a shopping spree. JJ had bough more gloss then anything else, even shoes. She'd bought more then Garcia had bought of lipsticks. It was a harmless addiction, but one she kept to herself.

Until Garcia's slip yesterday at lunch. Now everyone knew she had some kind of issue with gloss. And Rossi had glommed onto that little piece of information in a way that reminded JJ scarily of Garcia-ears pricked and eyes all aglitter.

He was apparently so intrigued that he came by her office that afternoon with a cup of coffee in each hand, and gave one to her.

"What do you want, Rossi?" She was sure he was after something. He had that look.

"What color pink is it?"

"Excuse me?"

"You know."

She bit her lip. It was a shade of pink. "I'm sure I don't, Agent Rossi."

He leaned over the desk, way into her personal space, and tapped a finger to her bottom lip. "Color, Agent Jareau."

"Pink."

He sighed. "I've been married three times. You can't tell me 'pink' and expect me to believe it. There are more shades of pink, Horatio, then are dreamt of by mere men."

She answered by syllables. "Watermelon ice."

"Watermelon ice," he repeated. "Cool, refreshing, bit of a zing to it."

"Is that all, Agent Rossi?"

"Can I buy you lunch?"

"Do you get all your dates by throwing off the women into saying yes?"

"Generally. Does it taste like watermelon ice?"

"I abandoned flavored lip gloss in sixth grade."

"Pity. I've always liked that taste. But you didn't answer my question."

"Actually, I did."

"The other question. About lunch."

"Are you buying?"

"Of course. I'm a gentleman."

She tossed back her hair, reckless. "Why not?"

. . . . . . . . . . .

Rossi walked her out of the building, directly past Penelope Garcia, whose mouth was a big round 'O' that developed into a grin as they walked past. An evil grin. JJ gritted her teeth. It was lunch with a colleague, not a date. JJ didn't do interoffice dating.

"Any place in particular?" Rossi asked.

Damn. Now she'd look like a slob if she picked a burger joint, but a money grubber if she picked a nice place. Not that she cared-it wasn't a date. Just lunch with a colleague.

"Have you been to the new deli yet?"

"The one off Carlton Avenue?"

"That one."

"Not yet. Shall we?"

"Sure."

JJ straightened her jacket as they rode the elevator down, and realized they had another problem. Whose car would they use? The deli wasn't close enough to walk.

Rossi, however, was a chivalrous pig. He lead her over to his truck before she knew what was happening, and found herself in the passenger seat. Lunch with a colleague, she reminded herself. It was becoming a mantra.

It was a good thing she didn't see Rossi's face. He was grinning. He had a date.

. . . . . . . . . . .

Lunch with Rossi hadn't been too bad. He was polite, he didn't invade her space too much, and he had actually paid for the whole meal. Some guys decided at the last minute to go Dutch.

Once they were in the elevator going back up to their floor, Rossi got back to what she felt was his original intention.

"So what's all this about lip gloss?"

"None of your business."

"Now, we were having such a good time. No need to get nasty."

"Me? You're the one trying to bribe my secrets out of me, not the other way around."

"But I don't see why lip gloss would be something Garcia would be able to blackmail you over."

"You're not a woman."

Rossi nodded in acknowledgement of that fact. "But that doesn't answer my question."

"Rossi, the only reason Garcia can blackmail me is because I don't want everyone to know. "

"So if you tell, she can't blackmail you."

The door slid open. She went toward her office, but not before sliding her eyes back to Rossi and smiling. "You'll need to work a little harder then that for my secrets, Agent David Rossi."

Rossi smiled back. Game on.


	2. Ruby Mint

_Ruby Mint_

_JJ was hiding in her office in mortification. _

_She needed some lip gloss. She needed to buy some new lip gloss._

_It was her solution when she needed to think. She would browse through lip gloss and buy a few and then life would be better._

_She was a horrible slut._

_Will Lamontagne had called her, asking if they were on for her coming down Friday, or should he come up?_

_Which wasn't so bad, really, because lunch with Rossi was just lunch with a colleague. 'Was' being the operative word._

_He'd sent her flowers that morning. Not just traditional roses, either. A collection of wildflowers-Black-Eyed Susans being the centerpiece of the arrangement. _

_She knew what flowers meant. She also knew what Will's phone call meant. They were both serious. Damn._

_She'd gone from being single to having two guys trying to get her within six months. And Rossi had correctly guessed her favorite kind of flowers, too. Profiler._

_Garcia would be someone to consult, but that meant venturing past the Black-Eyed Susans and out of her office. And wouldn't get her any lip gloss._

_Wait. Garcia was the queen of tech. JJ got out her cell and called._

"_Aren't you just two doors down?" Garcia answered. _

"_I am not leaving my office. Come down. Help."_

"_On my way, my pretty. Do I bring Emily?"_

"_Won't Rossi notice?"_

"_Loud and clear."_

_Garcia showed up alone two minutes later. "Oh, pretty flowers!"_

"_Close the door," once she had, JJ added. "Those are half my problem."_

_Garcia sat down. "Are they from Rossi?"_

"_Yeah. And the plane tickets are from Will Lamontagne."_

_Garcia's jaw dropped. "You go girlfriend."_

"_It's not cool. And I'm about to go buy lip gloss."_

"_Stop. No lip gloss. How much did you spend last time you went looking for lip gloss?"_

"_Fifty dollars and forty-six cents."_

"_And they cost, what, a buck?"_

"_Some cost more," JJ defended herself. "Some cost three dollars. The Dior gloss costed ten dollars."_

_Garcia blinked. "You spent ten dollars on one lip gloss?"_

_JJ put her hands to her forehead and glared from underneath them. "Do not go there right now. I need a fix so I can figure out what to do."_

"_No lip gloss!"_

"_Garcie!"_

"_I mean it. I'll go tell Rossi he's got competition."_

"_You will not."_

"_And Lamontagne. We'll see who does better under pressure. That'll be the winner."_

"_You aren't helping."_

_Someone knocked before letting himself in. It was Rossi._

"_Do you have anything from some detective in Texas? He swore he faxed something for me to the Bureau. Hi Garcia."_

_JJ shot Garcia a look. It said 'Don't you even dare'. "Was the detective named Scott?"_

_She handed him the sheets without waiting for a reply. _

"_Thanks, Jen. You up for dinner tonight? I've got reservations at the Italian place."_

_Garcia smiled at JJ from an angle where Rossi couldn't see. "Usually you ask for the date before making reservations. Unless you're stuck on yourself, naturally."_

"_Naturally. I'll take you after work." And he left._

_They were both quiet a minute. Garcia broke the silence._

"_What does Will do?"_

"_Will is an absolute gentleman at all times. He is never rude or pushy or stuck on himself."_

"_Does he send flowers or take you out to dinner?"_

"_He lives in New Orleans. I live in Quantico."_

"_He could still send flowers. Does he even know your favorite flowers?"_

"_You aren't helping."_

"_Yes I am. You just don't see it because I'm your omnipotent fairy godmother."_

"_That's it. I need new gloss."_

"_For your date with Rossi."_

_JJ blew a raspberry at her friend._

_. . . . . . . . . . . _

_Safely hidden inside Wal-Mart's cosmetic department, JJ reverently looked through the shades of gloss. Sparkly, sheer gloss that made everything better._

_Technically, neither Rossi nor Lamontagne had dibs on her exclusively. Rossi was a good friend who happened to send flowers and take her to nice restaurants. _

_That sounded like a boyfriend. One her parents wouldn't approve of. They would approve of Will. Rossi was too much of a bad boy for their daughter._

_She had never gone off into teenaged rebellion, dating and drinking and smoking and messing in drugs. Not just because she had to be in top shape to be on the soccer team. It just wasn't in her repertoire. _

_The name caught her eye. Ruby Mint. More matte then the usual gloss, but definitely gloss. Red, obviously, but not naughty. Just a hint of 'look at me, look at me!' Perfect for a date. With Rossi._

"_I am a bad girl." She announced it to the empty aisle._

_Suddenly, a little rebellion didn't seem so bad. As long as she didn't wreck her career over a bit of fun._

_Author's Note: I know, this is about JJ and her lip gloss addiction, but I think JJ and Rossi have some chemistry together, and the lip gloss seems to be such a good jump-off point for how they interact. And I don't like Lamontagne. Sorry if you do, not out to offend you! Review?_


	3. Guava Gold

Guava Gold

In the end she bought five glosses. It wasn't good for her checkbook. In the checkout, her phone rang. The ID said WILL.

She answered while swiping her card. "Hey."

"Hello beautiful," was the drawled greeting. "Where you at?"

"Shopping."

"In the middle of a Thursday afternoon? Your boss know you're playing hooky?"

"If Hotch wants to have Strauss off his back, he better not notice. I could always forget some important paperwork."

"Ouch. Are you coming down or am I coming up?"

"I'm kind of loaded with work right now, actually," she managed to make it sound like an apology and not a lie. Go, JJ.

"That's alright. My boss has been on me to finish all of this weeks' paperwork sometime soon. Mind you, it's a backlog from 2004, but…"

"That's okay. Life happens."

"What you doing tonight?"

She picked up her bag and emptied the glosses into her purse. "Going out to dinner with a colleague."

"Should I be worried?"

"You should be trembling behind your badge and shaking in your shoes, Cajun."

"I'll do that. Call you later."

"You too. Bye."

She was a bad, bad person.

. . . . . . . . . . .

JJ was sneaking back into her office, trying to go unnoticed and get past the flowers, which were still annoyingly cheerful. She felt better. Until she ran into Hotch coming out of her office.

It was an unspoken agreement between her and Hotch that he stayed out of her office. His need for order and hers for organized chaos kept him far away from her corner of Quantico.

"Sir?" she asked.

He didn't say anything initially, just looked at her, which made the glosses feel about twenty pounds in her purse. She also worried Hotch might employ his X-Ray vision and see she'd been out shopping. Despite what she told Will, she did NOT want to deal with Hotch on her case.

"JJ," he began and then stopped. His eyes went to her office. "Flowers?" "Rossi," she explained. "Do you want to come in?" she added, since he looked like he still wanted to talk.

He carefully followed her into her office and declined to sit down. "You do know he has-that he's attracted to you?"

"Rossi?" she asked. "I never thought about it."

Thought about a few other things, though.

"I'm not trying to tell you how to live your life," he bit his lip. "But, we all know you've got a boyfriend-"

"Excuse me?"

"Lamontagne," he waved it away. "But-"

"How the hell does anyone know about me and Will? And he's not a boyfriend. He's a-I don't have a definition yet."

"If I didn't know you just told me. But don't play with Dave, JJ. He doesn't share well, and probably won't like it if you're with him and Lamontagne."

"If you know about Will, I'm sure Rossi does to," she pointed out.

"He does." Hotch confirmed without the slightest embarrassment. "He thinks he can convince you he's the better man. Can you two still act like responsible adults and members of this team with that going on?"

"I've never been unprofessional a day in my life, Hotch," except when she snuck out to buy lip gloss an hour ago. "Any relationships I have won't interfere with my job."

"That's what Rossi said when I gave him this speech."

"Then you don't have anything to worry about. We both escaped high school, you know."

Hotch nodded. "Don't let Strauss catch wind of this either."

"I won't."

And JJ?"

"Sir?"

"Please don't sneak out again if this is going to be an adult situation. If you need time, go to the parking garage or somewhere I can find you. Telling Garcia and then swearing her to secrecy doesn't count as telling someone where you'll be if we need you. Or Rossi needs you, in this case. His phone went on the fritz and he wanted you to fix it."

JJ started to get up, but Hotch shook his head. "Garcia already fixed it. She was a bit jealous that you've been helping Rossi with his various devices."

"He'd blow something up otherwise, trying to fix it himself. Like the jet or the building or a suspect. Or his truck. Or himself."

"Very true," just before he left he gave her the ghost of a smile. "Enjoy tonight."

Only once he turned away did she stick her tongue at his back.

Author's Note: Just so everyone knows, I don't have a problem with lip gloss except that I really don't wear it. My issue is shiny sparkly costume jewelry. But I'm sure the principle is the same. And yes, we'll circle back to the original premise of JJ hiding her 'girly problem' from her friends. It's all part of the master plan….


	4. Honey Pearl

Honey Pearl

She slipped on some gloss before escaping her office for the night, and gave the flowers a little tweak, turning a bloom so it would look right when she came in tomorrow.

"Monday morning," she decided. She would know what to do on Monday morning-Rossi or Lamontagne. After all, she had plenty of evidence that Lamontagne liked her. Now she just needed to determine Rossi's intentions. Because if he was just out for her secret and to get in her pants…

Rossi knocked on the office door. "Ready, JJ?"

She had her coat slung over her arm. "Ready, Rossi."

"Dave," he corrected, and offered her his arm. She raised and eyebrow.

"Dave, do you not know that Erin Strauss is in the building?"

"Left an hour ago," he informed her, arm still extended. She slipped hers through it, sighing.

"Do you not know the word discretion?"

"Of course I do. When I need to. And you do as well. New color?"

She licked her lips. "Yes."

"You really like gloss."

"I just have a few colors, not that it's your business. Are you going to take me out or stand here quizzing me about makeup?" It was one of the colors she had bought that day.

"I'll skip the makeup quiz, thanks. You'll loose me too fast."

"Exactly."

. . . . . . . . . . .

The Italian place, it turned out, wasn't the one the team usually went to, which was a bistro style. No, this was a sit-down black-tie formal place with a valet and maitre d'. In a pencil skirt and rumpled shirt, JJ felt severely underdressed.

However, Rossi was wearing jeans. And cowboy boots. Since she was more formal then he was, she felt better. And her lip gloss was nice.

She would've been more embarrassed if Dave hadn't been on a first-name basis with the staff and got his 'usual table, Mr. Rossi?'

"Come here often?" she asked coyly, sitting across from him. His usual table was near the windows, with a view to the well-tended garden and a pond where fish lazed their way through the water illuminated by underwater lights.

"Oh, once or twice," he teased in return. "Red or white wine?"

"Are we having fish?" she gestured to the pond.

"I was hoping for chicken. Or beef."

"White wine."

One of Lamontagne's more irritating habits had been to order for her at restaurants. Dave would order for her _after_ she decided what she wanted. It was an excellent exchange, excellent chicken, and she felt pretty sexy before it was all over.

"Do I drive you back home, or to the BAU?"

"BAU. I need my car."

He pouted. "And here I was hoping that I could go home with you."

"You have your own very nice home, Dave. I'm sure it misses you."

"I know Mudgie probably misses me."

"Who?"

"My hunting dog. He's actually more of a duck-fetcher. Once I ignored him too long and my leather couch was eaten. He was very proud of himself for that."

"God, I haven't had pets ever."

"Not even as a kid?"

She shook her head. "I was too busy."

"Ever regret it?"

"Yeah. In retrospect, a dog or a kitty would've been nice. Even a gerbil."

Dave shuddered. "No gerbils."

"Why?"

He checked both ways while the valet was getting his car. "I hate rodents. I absolutely loath them. If you ask Hotch nicely after he's had a couple beers, he'll tell you about when a new agent left a live mouse in my desk. According to him I screamed in a girly fashion and hid in the men's room for two hours while they were all catching it."

"Did you?" she asked innocently.

He glared at her. "If Garcia ever hears about this…"

"Garcie has her own sources, believe me. Hotch would tell Morgan, and _he_ would tell Garcia. But she wouldn't tell you she knew. She'd save it for blackmail. She may already know, and possibly have photos to back up her claim."

"There were never any photos."

"She has Photoshop."

"Oh shit."

"Exactly."

He waited until they were on the road again before continuing. "Any thoughts about letting me in on the lip gloss secret?"

"Except for the answer still being no? Not really."

"I could get Garcia off your case."

"And you could wind up homeless and bankrupt, too."

He shrugged acknowledgement, and tried a different line. "Does Lamontagne know you went on a date behind his back?"

"How do you know about Lamontagne?" she asked, exasperated. "You weren't even here when we took that case!"

"Garcia and I, we have different ways of getting information, but we usually want the same things. Sometimes we collaborate our intelligence and see what comes out. Like the CIA and MI-5 having lunch. Enhancing for all."

"I'll get her."

"Homeless and bankrupt."

"Girls fight girls different."

She had a distinct feeling she was being played. Garcia and she needed to have a little chat.

Author's Note: I was going to put something wise and sagacious here, but I forgot what it was.


	5. Sugar Rose

Sugar Rose

JJ gave herself credit. She waited a full eighteen hours after her date with Rossi before inviting herself into Garcia's inner sanctum to discuss information distribution.

"Garcie," she asked in a singsong voice when she entered the bunker.

"JJ, my love, how was your date with Rossi?"

"Excellent," Garcia clapped. "How and ever. Though, I was wondering how he knew about my other friend from New Orleans. Been yapping? Since you're the only one who knows about Will. At least that _I_ told. Seems the whole team knows about that."

Garcia blushed but held her ground. "Rossi came to me first. He wanted to know about you. In return I did best friend duty and found out about him for you."

"So spill. He's been married three times."

"Went there first. Sit."

She sat and waited.

"Okay, wife one was a secretary here at the Bureau. She was the longest marriage-eight years. No kids, but you knew that. Anyway, she ran off with his partner at the time."

"Ouch."

"Too true. Number two was a little more expensive. She was the agent for his third book. That lasted three years. He had a publishing flop because of the Ruby Ridge incident. I gather she was a money-grubber."

"And number three?"

"Number three," she sighed. "Third time was not the charm, obviously. She was an author like him. One year. She told him he was a lunatic and remarried inside of a month. To his cousin."

"And you verified all this?"

"Cross-checked and came up clean. Let me tell you, all these women made an awful mistake. Rossi's a great guy."

"Has he been slipping you twenties to tell me that?"

"Fifties."

JJ sighed. "Garcie, I think I like him and Lamontagne. For different reasons."

"Okay. Why do you like Lamontagne?"

Garcia had a notepad and a glowing pen. "A pro and con list?"

"Lists are a good thing. Pros of Lamontagne."

"He's nice, quiet," she paused.

"And?"

"I don't like loud guys. Rossi is extremely loud."

"More good things about Will."

She nibbled her lip. "He's in the same line of work so he hasn't ever complained about my hours or my job. He doesn't want kids-"

"That's a pro?"

"Well, now isn't a good time to have kids, being states away."

"But does he not want kids ever?"

"It's a long way off, Garcie."

"Do you want kids?"

"Someday, yeah-"

"That's a con, then. A biggie. It gets a star."

"Don't I get to assign ratings to my own pro and con list?"

"No. Pros of Rossi."

"We live in the same state, actually. He doesn't feel complied to order for me without prior consultation in restaurants. He has a dog. He has my best friend's approval," she added slyly.

Garcia nodded. "And now I'm going to go profiler on you. Did you see how fast you said all that? And how long it took you to find good things about Will? And you didn't even talk about sex. How is sex with Will?"

"Under consultation."

"I rest my case. You are more interested in Rossi then Will."

"That's not the point. You don't just dump people because you want to flirt with someone else. Without the guarantee of a lasting relationship."

"Yes they do. My advice? Go buy some lip gloss, give Rossi a chance like he wants, and take a break from Will."

"You never tell me to buy gloss. Who's paying you? It's Rossi. I know it's Rossi."

"Rossi isn't paying me. Are you going to take my advice?"

JJ sighed. "Did you tell Rossi about my gloss problem?"

"I didn't mention your gloss problem, honey. Cross my heart."

JJ narrowed her eyes. Garcia was up to something. Garcia and Rossi together. That was enough to scare most men.

Good thing she was a girl.

Author's Note: A fun fact: So far, all the chapter titles have been actual names for lip gloss. At least up till now. The actual name of the gloss I used was Rose Sugar, but I switched it up because it sounded better the other way. Meanwhile, updates may be slower on this for a week or so, since I took up ilovetvalot/Tracia and Tonnie on the Fanfic Challenge and now have another side project which will be published in it's entirety by the 30th. But until then-imagine the March Hare from the latest Alice in Wonderland. Now picture him looking at you with his slightly off-kilter look, and saying "Review." Kind of like how he says "Spoon". It's very entertaining. Hugs to all!


	6. Fairy Quince

Fairy Quince

She was going to take the first part of Garcia's advice, at least. It was her lunch hour and she closed her office so she could go and buy some more lip gloss.

She really needed to organize all her glosses. They had begun at her apartment in a little drawer in her bathroom. Then a bigger drawer. Then they had a drawer of her dresser. Now they were taking over all of the above and some organizer shelves she bought and installed in her closet.

And JJ was now convinced that Garcia and Rossi had a kind of telepathic pact, because he showed up promptly as she was entering the elevator.

"Shopping?" he asked pleasantly.

"If you want to shop with a woman you've truly lost your mind, David Rossi. Such as it is."

"So it's not just shopping, it's girly shopping," he decided. JJ rolled her eyes.

"Yes. Girly shopping. Don't you have something better to do on your lunch hour?"

"If I did, I'd be doing it, wouldn't I?"

"Dog logic," she pointed out. "Just because you're doing something doesn't mean you shouldn't do something else."

"True. Maybe I've been around the heads of unsubs too much."

"Understatement of the year," and how was she going to lose him so she could go buy gloss?

"Which store?"

"Sephora," she sighed.

"What's that?"

"Makeup?"

"Yes."

"Ah. Lip gloss?"

"Don't make me hurt you, Dave."

"I might enjoy you hurting me, sweetheart."

JJ made a gagging noise. "In your very ugly dreams."

"I think they're very nice, actually."

"Okay, if you want to ride shotgun on a makeup trip, the first thing you do is not make nasty conversation."

He rocked on his heels. "So I can come?"

She pointed a finger at him. "Best behavior."

"Better then my mother taught me," he vowed.

She gave him a dirty look.

. . . . . . . . . . .

Rossi was very quiet, not risking annoying her further and being left without transportation on the wrong side of town, and possibly calling someone from the team to get him.

He walked two steps behind her all the way into Sephora, and didn't even blink when she went directly to the glosses. Just a couple, she reminded herself. Don't give him any fodder to use against her.

"Color preference?" he asked her. "And do all the salespeople know you?"

"A few of them," she was nettled. "Nothing orangey, it makes me pale."

He nodded sagely, then reached over her shoulder and plucked a color out. "This fall in your lines?"

It was a glittery red that had purple hints. The label read _Fairy Quince_.

"Yes," she felt the familiar rush of discovery that accompanied each new color, then slapped down on her enthralled expression. "Yeah, thanks."

She continued to browse nonchalantly, but had a feeling her cover was blown. She would be labeled a girly, unprofessional princess who painted her toenails pink. She only did that because no one ever saw her toenails, but still.

"You ever buy eye shadow?" Rossi asked from further up the aisle, fingering a container of it.

"I don't buy as much eye shadow. I need sheers so I look professional at all times."

"Ah."

"What?"

"The glosses. By default, they're all sheer, so you can stock up, but not as much with the other parts-shadows, mascara, blush, the whole nine yards. Is that why you stick to neutral clothes?"

She nodded, and picked up another color gloss.

"I never noticed that until now," he picked up another lip gloss himself, eyed it, put it back. There was still a compact of shadow in his hand.

"And here I thought you were a profiler," she joked.

"No, profiling would be figuring out why you only liked sheers. Emily and Penelope both wear brights and look professional. Well, Emily does. Penelope just overwhelms you with her complete awesomeness until you realize she's a genius, then it doesn't matter if she looks professional. She just is."

JJ had to agree with both assessments. "Besides," JJ added to her previous statement. "I'm not dark enough or bold enough to wear brights. I'm a skinny blonde with no color in her face. If I don't use sheers I look like Bozo the clown."

Rossi looked at her, then wordlessly handed her the compact.

She took it and looked at the colors. Copper, aqua blue, navy, and creamy pink. She looked back at Rossi. He shrugged.

"I'm just saying."

She added it to her pile. It did say "For Blue Eyes" on the package, after all.

Author's Note: I love the people, the people are awesome, they leave me reviews and I love them! (Both people and reviews). Thank you all for the reviews!


	7. Red Audace

Red Audace

Garcia was a little sneak. As soon as JJ was safely back in her office, Sephora bag hidden under the desk, in came the Oracle of Quantico in a sea of leopard print and neon pink.

"Well?" Garcia demanded.

"Traitor," JJ countered. "I'm not going to be Rossi's girlfriend."

"Too late, little sister. He's had his eye on you."

"Forget UFOs and the JFK assassination. You two are a walking conspiracy together."

"But of course, my pet. And you are his girlfriend. I came to give you the head's-up."

"That I was his girlfriend?"

"That he's got a party that his publisher wants him to go to. At such parties, women throw themselves at the famous and fabulously rich David Rossi. They wear really nice princess dresses and stick to him like white on rice. He'd rather have you there with him, in a princess gown and sticking to him like white on rice. Therefore, he'll be asking you to attend as his guest. Read: date. Be nice and say yes."

"Penelope, I am dating Will Lamontagne."

"One phone call and you're not. Even though you're not anyway, he just hasn't got the memo yet. Neither have you, obviously."

JJ fishmouthed. Of all the infuriating, controlling-"Don't I decide who I date?"

Garcia rolled her eyes. "Who does Rossi go to with all of his technical problems? You. Who does his paperwork when it's behind? You. Who reviews cases for you while you do said paperwork? Him. Who has not only gone makeup shopping with you but helped you find a new apartment when your landlord sold the place you were at? And, might I add, has gotten you a much lower rate mainly because he's paying the extra out of his own account?"

"WHAT?"

"Yeah, that nice condo you got costs about twelve grand a month. How much are you paying? Three? Two?"

"Fifteen hundred," JJ whispered. "God."

"No, not God. Rossi," Garcia continued blithely. "He wouldn't do all that if he didn't love you, you goof. He came to me asking my advice. I gave it."

"Holy shit."

"I've never understood that phrase. Just tell Will you found somebody else closer to home."

"He'll fall apart."

"And this should bother you? Never be with a person based on you pity them, have I taught you nothing, zilch, and nada? Woman, do I have to call Will myself? Because I will, believe you me."

"But I'm cheating on him!"

"It's only cheating if you've had sex."

"I'm not discussing technicalities. It's wrong."

"So break it off and make it right. Have you told Rossi about your gloss-"

"No. Never ever."

"But he went shopping with you." "No comment.'

"He's a profiler. I'm sure he knows."

"Don't speak of it."

"The whole team probably knows. Hotch never misses a trick. Or Emily. Reid may have even noticed."

JJ got up and pointed to the door. "Out, woman."

"And what if _Will_ has some girlfriend in New Orleans?"

JJ stopped. "Does he?"

"Do you want me to check?"

She bit her lip. "Yes."

"Do you want me to check if Rossi has a girlfriend?"

"He doesn't."

"I may not be a profiler, sweetie, but I think you trust Rossi a damn sight more then Lamontagne. And that's the best argument in Rossi's favor I can think of."

With that piece of wisdom, Garcia left.


	8. Frozen Cherry

Frozen Cherry

Garcia hadn't gotten back to JJ as of the next morning, unusual for her. But Will did call again while she was at the office. From Quantico.

"You're where?" JJ asked, panicking. Rossi had intended to take her out to lunch.

"I flew up. I wanted to talk to you in person, and since I had some personal time…I hope that's okay."

"Yeah, sure, it just caught me way off guard."

At that moment Garcia wandered in, eyes glazed behind her glasses, miming the motion of hanging up the phone repeatedly.

"Will, I gotta go, okay? I'll call you back. Later," and she hung up before he could protest.

"Garcie?"

Garcia just sat down. Her eyes weren't glazed, JJ realized. They were sparkling and livid.

"Now, I didn't run a background check on Will because you asked me not to when you started going out with him. But with your permission, I spent last night doing just that. William Lamontagne is an extremely bad boy with big friends in the New Orleans police department."

"What kind of bad boy?"

Garcia blinked. "I may have ruined his credit last night."

"Just tell me."

"He's had charges dropped against him. Three for rape, one for harassment. Child support he owed-"

"He has kids?"

"Two with an ex-girlfriend. The child support was dropped since their mother worked and got federal support. But she only did that because he was behind in payments. Go figure, huh?"

"When you say 'dropped'-"

"The women backed down and left town after police interviews."

JJ shook her head. "But Sarah Danlin. She'd been raped and told to back off by police. He was so kind to her."

"Only because she was going to kill someone."

JJ had to agree. Will had annoying tendencies to shift his loyalty so he could win. Another flaw she hadn't noticed until then.

"He's in Quantico," JJ told her friend. "He wants to talk."

"Take Rossi," was Garcia's instant suggestion, but JJ was already shaking her head.

"I've been alone with him for six months now, he hasn't done a thing."

But Garcia was still a pillar of fire. "Jennifer Jareau, if you don't get off your skinny backside and get Rossi involved, so help me God I will get him, Hotch, Morgan, Reid, three guys I know from white-collar crime, Morgan's gym buddies, and all of Rossi's cousins involved."

"Garcie-"

"No!" and her voice actually shut JJ up, because Garcia never yelled. "This is bad, JJ. This is the baddest thing that could happen to you and you will get Rossi involved or I will follow through on what I said. Rossi's office. Now."

And Garcia got up, grabbing for JJ's arm. JJ pulled back.

"I'm going, Garcia. Right now, okay? I'm going."

And she backed away as quickly as possible out her own door.

Author's Note: Katie, I hope this clears up the background check a little-you're right, that's the first thing Garcia would have done (smacks forehead). And The episode referred to above was 'Jones'. I tried to tie it together with the Will I need for the story. And I promise to resolve the question of the lip gloss and Rossi's investigation of it! This is projected to be a fourteen chapter story, so we're past the middle. Show me love?


	9. Poppy Cream

Poppy Cream

JJ knocked on Rossi's office before going in. He was hip-deep in paperwork and was looking for his coffee cup.

"Next to the trash pile and behind the consults from Harrisburg," JJ directed him. He retrieved the now-lukewarm coffee with a scowl.

"Can I help you?"

"By not being a pissant, first of all," she skated around the scowl. "Garcia threatened me with-well, a lot, if I didn't come up here and talk to you."

Rossi settled back into his chair, knowing that the tech never violated personal space and would never send someone else to. She might send emails, however. By the hundreds.

"Okay," he encouraged in a softer tone, motioning for her to sit.

"She found out some things about Will," JJ began, not sitting but taking his coffee cup over to the microwave he had in the corner to heat. She pushed buttons as she talked.

"What things?"

"He's been involved in some things. Each time the charges were dropped."

"Do you think he's capable?"

JJ nodded. "He has some tendencies that fit the profile of a serial rapist. Quite a few, actually."

"What are you going to do?"

"He's in Quantico," JJ took the now-warm coffee back and set it on Rossi's desk. "Came for a visit, he said. Garcia said to have you come with me or she'd broadcast my business to every man she knew, from Reid up to some cousins of yours, and they'd all descend. In terms of not being permanently embarrassed, I'd like you to come with me after I set up a meeting with him."

"Sure, sweetheart."

Abruptly she started to snicker. "God, my life's pathetic. I need backup to breakup. That should tell you the kind of guy I attract."

"Could be worse."

"And how is that?"

Rossi leaned back in his chair, squinting. "Well, first of all, you could be ugly. Not just a little ugly. Really ugly. You could look like Erin Strauss."

"Oh _God_," JJ groaned.

"I'm not done," Rossi cautioned with a finger. "You could not know how to shower and smell like gym socks. You could have duck feet that turn out when you walk. You could NOT have a gun permit. You could've gotten caught running through the BAU naked for April Fools' Day this year."

"If Morgan ever does that again…"

"I know. Reid still needs therapy. And Hotch goes all red when I bring it up. He keeps that up, he'll have an aneurysm one of these days."

"It would help if he didn't try to choke himself with his tie."

"True. But some men find choking themselves erotic."

JJ squealed, hands waving. "No, David Rossi. I DO NOT need that image in my head. I need to see an exorcist now."

"Not a therapist?"

"You better never annoy me. I'll tell Hotch what you just said."

"He'll kill me!"

"That's the point."

Rossi smiled at her. "You are an extraordinary woman, Jennifer Jareau."

She blushed.

"How about you call and set up the meet?"

JJ nodded and got out her phone. Will answered on the third ring.

"Hey cher," he greeted her.

"Hey. Listen, sorry I cut you off earlier. I was in the middle of something. When would you like to get together and talk?"

"Tonight."

"Okay. What hotel are you at?"

"The Four Seasons. I would've gone to your place, but I don't have a key…"

"That's okay. I'll meet you there about seven?"

"Sounds good, cher. Love you,"

"You too," and she ended the call.

Rossi raised a brow.

"The Four Seasons, seven o'clock."

He nodded. She got up to leave, but stopped at the doorframe. "And Rossi? Behave. I want to be able to go back to that hotel in your company."

She had no idea why she said that, but the rampart grin that grew across his face seemed to be a pretty good reason.


	10. Port Wine

Port Wine

JJ found Garcia and Emily both in her office when she returned from Rossi's. Apparently Garcia had filled Emily in, because JJ found herself jumped on as soon as she walked in.

"A suspected serial rapist knows where you live," Emily informed her. "You need to move. Soon. Tonight."

JJ sighed and turned to Garcia. "Rossi's coming with me so I can dump Will, so you can forget calling all those people."

"Good," Garcia sorted her glasses closer to her eyes.

Emily echoed the sentiment, then went back to her original subject. "Do you know how dangerous that is?"

"Yes, I do, but I need to get rid of him before I go anywhere, otherwise he might follow me."

Garcia felt compelled to pipe up, with a gleam in her eye, "You could stay with Rossi."

"No."

"With all your many lip-"

"If you finish that sentence I will tell Morgan that you have fantasies about him that are criminal in Texas."

"You would not. You don't know the exact contents."

Emily looked pained. "Garcia, in the interest of protecting your future secrets, maybe you shouldn't drink tequila."

JJ nodded confirmation at Garcia's stricken face. "And I'll tell Morgan that, too."

Garcia gave JJ an evil look. "You, my blue eyed doll, will pay for that."

"Not if I get you first, Pens."

Emily interfered before they could start throwing office supplies at each other. "Do you need any other backup?"

JJ shook her head. "Rossi's plenty. And it's a public place, lots of people. Should be good."

"What'll you wear?" Garcia asked. JJ gave her best withering stare.

"My office clothes. I'm breaking up with him."

"But not with Rossi."

"I know where you keep your special JPEGS of Morgan, too."

Emily interceded again. "Guys! JJ, call when you have some news. Garcia and I are going to watch TV at her place. Okay?"

JJ and Garcia both nodded, the latter finally gathering her things and leaving. Emily was about to follow, but turned back at the last second.

"You know, it's pretty bad that Will hid everything from you. But at least Rossi shared about his ex-wives, you know?"

JJ threw a pencil at Emily, whose unhurried departure didn't even react to the missile.

Damn it. She was right.

Author's Note: The much-anticipated meeting is next! I almost feel sorry for Will. Almost. Sort of. And thanks to Cass for letting me steal her reviews to give Emily lines-this chapter's for you!


	11. Fresh Sugar

Fresh Sugar

Rossi drove them both to Four Seasons. JJ spent the trip being silent, going over her speech the same way she prepped for press conferences.

'_Will, you weren't very upfront about your past.' 'Will, has it occurred to you that being named assailant in several rape cases isn't a good piece of information to keep from your girlfriend?'_ And the winner: _'Will, I am done with this relationship, you needy, ugly, criminal masquerading as an officer of the law._' Hmm, maybe she should tone that down a bit.

"Ready?' Rossi asked as the valet took his Explorer.

JJ nodded. "Just station yourself someplace where you can see me. I don't want him to know you're here if possible."

"Got it," he checked his watch. "You're on in five."

He disappeared. She counted to ten and followed.

Will was at the bar, drinking a beer. Rossi, invisible in the environment of stray cigars and fine drinks, was watching from a table in the back. JJ approached Will with a smile.

"Hey."

He cracked a huge, boyish grin. "Hey yourself," and invited her to sit.

She shook her head. "I needed to talk to you, too. You have excellent timing."

He gave her a cocked grin, less ebullient then before. "What about? Sit down, cher, I haven't seen you in forever."

"Will, I don't want to see you anymore."

Now he frowned. She could see Rossi watching Will's back with a disturbing intensity. "This time?"

"Ever," she corrected. "You weren't up-front about your past. The charges," she clarified.

He scoffed. "Those weren't real, cher."

"The bruises on the women were real."

Now he scowled. "Those are bullshit, JJ."

"If they were bullshit, you should have told me about them so I wouldn't be blinded sided by them. Now, having heard about them elsewhere, I don't see any choice but to say it's over."

"Whose the other man?"

"I beg your pardon?"

"You wouldn't leave unless you had some better ass elsewhere," and he was on his feet and in her face. Rossi stood up and began to meander over with his Scotch.

"Maybe I would, but it's not like you were incredible between the sheets," as soon as she said it she remembered how careful they all had to be about antagonizing unsubs.

"You were fucking frigid," he shot back. "You're right, we need to break up. Because I can't live with some popsicle who spends all her time tracking psychopaths who have more feeling then she does."

Rossi was directly behind him and had caught the tail end of those remarks. His free hand descended heavily onto Will's shoulder.

"Son," he said in a deep voice, eyes flashing. "Maybe you should leave now, before we take this outside."

Will shrugged him off. "Do I look stupid? I go outside, I get trumped-up assault charges on my ass."

"You look very stupid," Rossi agreed amiably. "And I was hoping you and I could settle up this little misunderstanding man-to-man."

Will snorted. "You want her, she's yours. Never contradict a man who wants your leavings."

JJ saw Rossi's hand settle on Will's throat in a friendly manner. There was nothing friendly about his eyes. "Son, one more word, and you'll realize the rumors about my Mafia background are true. You will be gutted, then killed, then dumped in the Potomac. If anyone ever finds you it will be very difficult to ID you because of what the fish did to what passes for your face. JJ will never see you again. If she does come into contact with you, I will follow through on everything I just said. Clear?"

Will nodded, eyes wide. Rossi released his throat. "Run along, Lamontagne."

Too terrified to even shoot a parting look at his ex-girlfriend, Will Lamontagne vanished into the Virginia night.

Rossi then turned back to JJ. "I was good. See? No screaming customers or managers. I don't think anyone even noticed. You and I can come here again."

JJ shook her head. "Dave?"

"Yes?"

"Get me a gin and tonic. I need a drink."

"Call Garcia, too."

"How do you know about that?"

"Garcia said she'd set up something so all the files I needed never went to my PDA again but to someone in South Korea if I didn't make sure you called once Lamontagne was gone."

JJ groaned. "Afterward, I get to get roaring drunk."

"Agreed."

JJ went back to Rossi's table and pulled out her cell.

Author's Note: Three more chapters to go! My sister's been on my case to finish this, so you can thank her for this. Otherwise I would've slept most of today. So this one I dedicate to my sister, who happens to be our family's personal Penelope Garcia. Rock on, imoto-san.


	12. Rouge AuraThe Day the Music Died

Rouge Aura: The Day the Music Died

Two hours later, JJ found herself telling Rossi about her first week at college.

"I mean, I was a good kid from a small town in Pennsylvania at a frigging frat party! I have no idea how I got there."

"What happened?"

"I was a farmer's kid. I kicked one guy in the nuts and made a run for it. Then I locked myself in my dorm. After that I had a self-imposed curfew and didn't go out after dark until next semester."

"Dance with me," Rossi stood up. "I love this song."

It was _The Day the Music Died_. JJ stood up and took his hand. "This song is older then dirt, Dave."

"It is," and he was a confidant dancer, one hand on her waist, the other holding her hand, a waltz. "And I'm glad I get to hear your stories, and be a part of this."

"This?" he swung her out and back in.

"You. Us. There is an us, isn't there?"

JJ smiled and ducked her head ever so slightly. "Yes."

_I met a girl who sang the blues,_

_And asked her to play some happy news,_

_She just smiled and turned away._

"And-it's for good, right?"

She leaned up and kissed him. When she pulled away, he was smiling too. And he licked his lips.

"I thought you gave up flavored lip gloss in middle school?"

"Yeah, about that," JJ sighed.

"What?" he kept dancing as the song changed.

"You need to come to my apartment."

"Now?"

"Doing something else tonight?"

"Romancing my woman."

She pinched him so he yelped. "Alright, woman. Let me get the car."

She bit her lip as he went. God, this was going to be so embarrassing.

. . . . . . . . . . .

At JJ's apartment, she let went first and headed straight to her bedroom. "Come on."

He bounced on his heels. "Yes ma'am."

"You aren't getting any yet, you Neanderthal," she flicked on the light and opened the closet door before she could change her mind. And then closed her eyes.

After a minute, he spoke. It wasn't to tell her she had a problem of epic proportions, or that she needed to downsize.

"Sweetheart, we really need to get you some more eye shadow."

When their children asked, in later years, why Mama and Daddy had gotten married, Jennifer Rossi would smile and say "Because Daddy didn't mind Mama taking over a whole room with lip gloss."

FINIS

Author's Note: I just received the email about AJ and Paget. Thank God we still have Paget, and I wish AJ the best, I will always be a huge fan. I'm dedicating this chapter to AJ. I don't know who originally sang _The Day the Music Died_, but it seems to fit both the news and the chapter. This was supposed to be 14 chapters, but I couldn't make it stretch that far, so I will say in closing-AJ, we all wish you well. And thank you to every single person who read and reviewed this, especially Katie and Cass, and my sister, who even though she has a fanfiction account never actually writes a review but comes over and knocks on my bedroom door to tell me either "Good" "Hurry your ass up" or (most frequently) both. Love to you all!


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